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Something has happened.
This Friday, you will have your first music show in a long time. It’s not really your show; it’s basically Shriram’s show, but he invited you and Barnali up there so he wouldn’t have the stage all to himself.
So you picked up your guitar this past week, for the first time in a long time. And you actually played; the first time you played you could barely get through your ‘set’ b/c your left hand fingers hurt too much. And it was not really a set… you had no rhythm, no voice, you forgot half the words to your songs…
That’s never a good thing.
Anyway, today you also picked up the guitar again, and in the meantime, you noticed something subtly different about yourself.
You feel.
You were once idealistic; extremely so. You didn’t just live the dream, you lived YOUR dream. You always spent time with people, you talked, and listened. All the time. For about 9 years. Straight through high school and then college. Your Melbourne friends all wonder why you have so many facebook friends, and well, it was because you used to be a pretty friendly guy. You laughed. A lot. People you never even met were happy to see you because you brightened their day. You were the sun sometimes, you randomly baked people muffins and spontaneously bought orange juice (and cups) so that you could pour people OJ for no reason at all. The world was a fantastic place, after all, and it stayed that way all the way until the end of college, where you graduated and then went off to…
War. Nothing kills idealism faster than death. It was here when you realized that no, Hollywood and MTV were not real life; instead, real life has pain and sadness and failure, too. Then you got worried; when you saw misery all around you, you wondered whether you would be next. No, you thought. Instead, you would go to business school, and, and, and…
What then, well, you were not really sure. But you translated your idealism into some halfway coherent essays, and now you are in Melbourne.
A school that was so busy that you put your guitar away for the first and second term. There it went, and with it… slowly but surely… went your passion.
Business school is not the best passion incubator. The folks here are wonderful and smart and bright and nice and all those things… but they are very left brained.
You are not sure what you are. You are… something else. But without creating music, you are not really who you want to be. Music is that much a part of you. Creation, living, everything. You had forgotten.
And that is ok. Because you remembered. And with it came some of that idealism. That living for a higher purpose. Long overdue.
Your greatest strength was forgotten, but it has been found, courtesy of a guitar. All because of a friend who hoodwinked you into playing at his farewell Hindi show. This is an odd match, because you are American, no matter how many times people ask you where your parents are from.
The show is Friday evening, and you are looking forward to it.
^_^
Thursday, April 23, 2009
Sunday, April 19, 2009
epiphanies
It has been a while since writing. A long time since perspective.
You have been busy, but that is not the reason you have not written. Busyness is one thing; Business School is another, and a month of thought is another.
You have been running four-five times a week for some time, your body is getting used to the punishment. The runs have become longer in duration, so much so that a 14.1K you ran a few weeks ago did not hurt afterward.
As strange as this sounds, you ran the race way too slow, after you passed the 10K marker, you realized there were only 4Ks left and you sped up considerably. And as people were collapsing around you, you had plenty of energy left to burn. Crazy.
One advantage of long runs that they give you time to think. So this time of reflection, formerly done in front of the computer, is now done on the Tan. You had never considered this before, but this is one reason why the pace of your posts has decreased recently. It may very well stay like this until the marathon in October.
The other reason you’ve slowed the pace of writing is that you are currently in the midst of a massive self-discovery; finding the answer to What You Should Do with your life. For your readers, who might be wrestling with this very question, it is obviously better to have a passionate answer before coming to business school. Unfortunately, you are still not sure, though in recent weeks, this train of thought has taken you into a direction you never imagined you would go. Suffice it to say that everything your guts and subsequent research is telling you goes against the established rules of How Things Should Be Done. But you are ok with this. More than most people, you are comfortable being true to yourself and what needs to be done.
And so, with the blessing of MBS, you are taking 2 pre-med undergraduate classes at Melbourne uni. They will start in July, and they will be, most likely, the hardest two classes you have ever taken in your life. After all, you have no background in medicine. You are a business student, and you will get an MBA. After that, the future is unknown.
***
You cannot remember if you have ever been this excited before. There have been times that rival this… when you first started playing ice hockey… when you commenced your boarding high school… when you first sang with the Chord On Blues acapella group… when you changed majors as an undergraduate. Those are the only four times. You remember them well.
But the drivers were temporary. Yet the passion, even now, still remains for these experiences and the impact they had on the rest of your life.
And the farther along this goes, the more excited you feel, and the more the research seems to back up the fact that this is a Good Idea. At this point, you honestly do not think you have ever been this excited before. Ever. And you are a very excited and excitable guy.
It is all you can do to keep your writing nonchalant, because for the last few weeks you have been talking to people, writing old friends, and telling them about the possibility of your crazy plan. The vast majority have been wildly supportive as they hear the passion in your voice; you have no idea where this passion came from… at this point, you still have trouble putting it into words. But it is there, and it is real, and it may change everything.
So these two classes in July… you will do the best you can. You expect to find the material interesting and challenging, and if you do… then perhaps your life will take on a new direction. Time will tell.
^_^
You have been busy, but that is not the reason you have not written. Busyness is one thing; Business School is another, and a month of thought is another.
You have been running four-five times a week for some time, your body is getting used to the punishment. The runs have become longer in duration, so much so that a 14.1K you ran a few weeks ago did not hurt afterward.
As strange as this sounds, you ran the race way too slow, after you passed the 10K marker, you realized there were only 4Ks left and you sped up considerably. And as people were collapsing around you, you had plenty of energy left to burn. Crazy.
One advantage of long runs that they give you time to think. So this time of reflection, formerly done in front of the computer, is now done on the Tan. You had never considered this before, but this is one reason why the pace of your posts has decreased recently. It may very well stay like this until the marathon in October.
The other reason you’ve slowed the pace of writing is that you are currently in the midst of a massive self-discovery; finding the answer to What You Should Do with your life. For your readers, who might be wrestling with this very question, it is obviously better to have a passionate answer before coming to business school. Unfortunately, you are still not sure, though in recent weeks, this train of thought has taken you into a direction you never imagined you would go. Suffice it to say that everything your guts and subsequent research is telling you goes against the established rules of How Things Should Be Done. But you are ok with this. More than most people, you are comfortable being true to yourself and what needs to be done.
And so, with the blessing of MBS, you are taking 2 pre-med undergraduate classes at Melbourne uni. They will start in July, and they will be, most likely, the hardest two classes you have ever taken in your life. After all, you have no background in medicine. You are a business student, and you will get an MBA. After that, the future is unknown.
***
You cannot remember if you have ever been this excited before. There have been times that rival this… when you first started playing ice hockey… when you commenced your boarding high school… when you first sang with the Chord On Blues acapella group… when you changed majors as an undergraduate. Those are the only four times. You remember them well.
But the drivers were temporary. Yet the passion, even now, still remains for these experiences and the impact they had on the rest of your life.
And the farther along this goes, the more excited you feel, and the more the research seems to back up the fact that this is a Good Idea. At this point, you honestly do not think you have ever been this excited before. Ever. And you are a very excited and excitable guy.
It is all you can do to keep your writing nonchalant, because for the last few weeks you have been talking to people, writing old friends, and telling them about the possibility of your crazy plan. The vast majority have been wildly supportive as they hear the passion in your voice; you have no idea where this passion came from… at this point, you still have trouble putting it into words. But it is there, and it is real, and it may change everything.
So these two classes in July… you will do the best you can. You expect to find the material interesting and challenging, and if you do… then perhaps your life will take on a new direction. Time will tell.
^_^
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